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By Victor Iloba.
On this inaugural edition of Husband and Wife Practicals 101, perhaps it is nice to start with this anecdote from my village.
A young man came home from a faraway land with an assignment for his mother. What was this assignment? To get him the most beautiful girl for marriage. He would have nothing less.
The wise mother accepted the challenge and promised to go out the following day on the quest.
The following morning, his mother got ready, but she, too, had an assignment for her son. The project was for the young man to pick out the most beautiful palm fruit from a heap she had gathered. She would like to present it symbolically to the bride when she has found one.
She left home to find the most beautiful girl for her son. The son also set out to diligently pick the most beautiful palm fruit befitting his most beautiful bride.
Soon the son found one that was very juicy and reddish. He thought about how after boiling or roasting it, one would throw it into the mouth to sop up the delicious oily juice with deep relish. But since he had not gone through one-tenth of the heap, he kept that first one aside and searched again.
Then he came across another slim, juicy, bright red all over with only a patch of deeper red at its base. He picked out that one and placed it alongside the first. He wasn’t quite sure which to choose of the two. So he kept both aside and continued searching as he had barely gone through the heap.
By the time he had looked through about 20% of the heap, he had about 20 fruits, all beautiful in their ways.
He then stared at the heap. Seeing the shadows of the trees and huts around the compound reminded him that more than half of the day had passed. His mother must have found the bride and would be home! What would he tell her? Frustrated, he pushed back the selected 20 and started his search again more diligently and vigorously.
A short while later, he reviewed his progress. He had selected 30 fruits without knowing which 30 he could defend as the best-looking.
Just then, a friend who heard he was in town came to visit. He met his friend whilst on the assignment.
“What are you doing with a heap of palm fruits?” his friend asked.
“My mother gave me an assignment to pick out the most beautiful fruit from the lot”, he responded.
“What a wicked assignment! And how far have you gone?” asked his friend.
“Not too far. I’ve been on this since morning, and I haven’t even eaten anything since then.”, he answered.
“But I know mama to be kind and considerate; why would she give you such an elusive assignment?”
“I don’t know, my friend.”
“And where is a mama herself?”
“She’s gone out to get me the most beautiful girl to marry.”
“Oh, I see! Why would you ask her to do that?!”, he exclaimed.
“You see, I can’t afford to see another woman more beautiful than my wife.”
“Yes, I understand how you feel, my friend. It means you need to take this assignment more seriously.”
His friend decided to join him, and started helping him to point out some palm fruits. Although he was grateful for his help, he realised that it was only making the assignment more complex for him.
Soon, mama comes home looking quite worn out. The young man got up, looking expectantly at his mother. She smiled at her son.
“Your most beautiful girl is ready. How far have you gone with my assignment?”
“Mama, you have my girl ready?” he asked. In response, the mother asked him again about the assignment she had given him.
The young man looking downcast, responded, “I wasn’t so lucky, mama. Even my friend here had come to assist. It’s such a complex assignment.”
“Have you eaten?” Mama asked. He shook his head in shame.
“Since morning, you mean?”, she replied, almost screaming.
Mama quickly made a fire to prepare some food, and as the trio sat to eat, she began to talk to the son and his friend.
There is no such thing as the most beautiful girl or most handsome man; there’s no perfection in humanity. When people make expressions such as “most beautiful”, it’s only a manner of speaking. Beauty is perception. If the three of us are asked separately what we refer to as beauty in a girl, for instance, we will realise that all three of us want different things. I may like a slim girl of average height; you may prefer a chubby one with some size. Your friend may like a girl with some flesh but of average height. It may even go as far as the face shape; some like round faces, some oblongs.
This reality is relevant not only concerning human physique but also character and even social standing.
Therefore in choosing a life partner, it is important to consider compatibility. But as the saying goes, he who is coming to equity must come with clean hands. If you want a kind-hearted partner, ask yourself how kind-hearted you are. If you desire sincerity in your partner, are you sincere yourself?
When we set unreasonable or subjective standards for our partners, we only create room for failure in our relationship.