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By Mike Ijeh.
Marriage is a natural institution. It transcends all cultures, religions and societies. It accords with the nature of humans who are made (created) for companionship. Man cannot realise himself until he gives himself to another. This giving is at different levels. It happens in friendship, in professional life and generally in acts of service to others. The highest (deepest) level of giving is the total gift of self to another in marriage. If we give ourselves in marriage with the reserved option of taking back, it negates the dignity of it as a covenant and reduces it to, at best, a contract. Strictly speaking, that is not a marriage.
Marriage is for the good of the couple, the good of the offspring and the good of society. For the couple this good can both be physical and supernatural. For example many people believe that marriage can promote spiritual growth by providing an opportunity to practice love, forgiveness, and other virtues. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that married individuals reported higher levels of personal growth and spirituality than unmarried individuals. On the physical side, research suggests that married couples tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction than cohabiting couples. One study found that married couples reported higher levels of relationship quality, commitment, and stability than cohabiting couples.
Because of these goods, marriage has two essential characteristics, exclusivity and permanence.
Exclusivity is essential because of the totality of the gift of self. If we believe in the radical equality of man and woman it will be fundamentally unjust to ask one party to make a total donation of self to one who is not required to reciprocate it. This raises the question of polygamy and by extension, polyandry. We are aware of societies and religions that have practised and are still practising this non-exclusivity. For example, in cultures where polygamy is still practiced, it may be considered a more practical option for a man to have multiple wives due to factors such as limited resources or high mortality rates. However, as societies have become more advanced, the practical reasons for polygamy have become less relevant. With modernization, factors such as increased life expectancy, improved healthcare, and better access to resources have reduced the need for polygamy as a means of ensuring reproductive success or securing economic support.
In addition, the practice of polygamy can have negative consequences for society, particularly for women and children. For example, polygamous marriages often involve power imbalances between husbands and wives, with women having limited autonomy and control over their lives.
Hence, while polygamy may be part of the process of an evolving society, it is not the original position nor is it the ultimate end of the evolution process. (I do not here imply the acceptability of the evolution theory that man evolved from apes). Rather, one can conclude that it is in line with the doctrine of original sin. When our first parents sinned, they lost intimate communion with God and one of the consequences was an apparent “power struggle” where God told Eve that “your husband will lord it over you” (Genesis 3:16). Therefore, where society is not justly organised the stronger party will always seek to lord it over the weaker party and this also affects marriage.
Exclusivity is also good for the offspring of the marriage. Children from polygamous families may also face increased risks of neglect, abuse, and poor health outcomes. Without exclusivity, apart from the weakness of the bond of the couples, there is also weakness in the bond between the children for the very fact that they do not have the same father and mother. Exclusivity therefore promotes greater gender equality, fosters greater emotional intimacy between partners, and provides a more stable environment for children to grow and develop. And this is not difficult to understand as anyone who is from or has close contact with polygamous families can easily relate to this.
Monogamy not only benefits individuals in a relationship, but it also serves as a cornerstone for a stable and just society. By respecting the principle of exclusivity, society upholds the fundamental rights of all its members and maintains order. In the absence of monogamy, those who hold more power, whether through physical strength or wealth, may disregard the rights of others and create a society plagued by chaos and injustice. In a monogamous relationship, both partners have equal rights and responsibilities, and both have an equal say in important decisions. Research suggests that monogamous relationships tend to be associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction, greater commitment, and greater emotional intimacy.
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